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Myth or Fact
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The following are some of the thoughts that people express about homosexuality and homosexual parenting placed in the context of literature, clinical experience, and general observations.
"Homosexuality is immoral."
In the early 1970s, the American Psychiatric Association and American Psychological Association both declared that homosexuality was not a mental illness. However, homosexuality is still considered sinful and immoral to many in this country—a belief probably learned in childhood and supported by fundamentalist and orthodox religious groups and conservative family life organizations.
"The mom and dad family is the natural environment for child rearing and is the foundation for civilization," state researchers at the Family Research Council, a conservative research and family advocacy organization in Washington, DC. "Homosexual relationships are not the equivalent of marriage, and children should not be placed into homosexual households."
Research that demonstrates that homosexuals do not choose their sexual preference but instead experience it as a biological certainty does not convince individuals with the above viewpoint that it is a moral, acceptable lifestyle. Nor does anthropological research that indicates homosexuality is present in all cultures throughout the world in varying proportions of the population. Even if proponents of the "homosexual is immoral" view could accept these latter two premises, they would say it does not mean that homosexuals should be parents.
No research can prove that a lifestyle or sexual preference is moral or immoral. But Diana and Karen, a lesbian couple who live in a comfortable suburban setting, speak for many others when they say that other factors need to be taken into consideration. They see themselves as family-minded people who have much to offer their two children. "We're big on tradition," says Karen. "We both work hard, we have a safe home in a middle-class neighborhood, we don't drink or do drugs. We are generous, unselfish people. Compared to all of the things children can be traumatized about—divorce, violence, alcoholism, drug use, chaotic homes—I think what we have is not very significant."
"Children will be molested by homosexual parents."
Reverend Maurice Gordon, pastor of the Lovingway Pentecostal Church in Denver, Colorado, speaks for those who believe implicitly that homosexuals are dangerous. "Under no circumstances should a child be allowed to be brought up in a homosexual environment. I'm not saying that the child would automatically be sexually abused by his homosexual parent, but he probably would be abused by the homosexual's friends."
The response of the Child Welfare League of America and a substantial group of researchers is that this fear of molestation is totally unfounded. A recent Child Welfare League report unequivocally states that, "the likelihood of homosexual adopters molesting children placed with them is no greater than it is for the general population. Ninety percent of all pedophiles are heterosexual males."
Numerous studies support this. One conducted by the Connecticut Correctional Institute in 1978 repeatedly noted the absence of a connection between homosexuals and child molestation. "The belief that homosexuals are particularly attracted to children is completely unsupported by our data. The child offenders who engaged in adult sexual relations as well were heterosexual."
"Children will be teased and harassed."
Children of gay men and lesbians are vulnerable to teasing and harassment, particularly as they approach adolescence when they want to be like their friends. How much of a problem is it? Is it likely to cause lasting psychological damage?
Gay parents are well aware of the difficulties that a child may face—many have dealt with prejudice all of their lives. Most see it as an opportunity for ongoing discussion that will help their children grow as people.
Drs. Kenneth Morgen and Sam Westrick adopted Simon, and later, Trevor, as infants. Morgen wrote about their experience in a book entitled Getting Simon. He writes about the differences that make up our society and how Simon will perceive them. "We come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Some kids come from rich homes, some from poor homes, some are fat, some are skinny, some have curly hair when straight is in and straight when curly is in; many have divorced parents, some have two moms or two dads. All kids who have anything different about them, which is most kids, are vulnerable to teasing. I am confident that we will instill in our sons a sense of self-esteem that will make them know that they are persons of worth in their own rights."
Abby Ruder, a therapist, lesbian, and adoptive mother, acknowledges that children will be teased, and takes great pains to prepare her homosexual clients for some of the problems that their children will face. She feels that families should have a plan for dealing with society's attitude toward them. "Children with gay or lesbian parents need to be taught when it's okay to tell people and when not to. A family doesn't have to be 'out' all of the time. My 9-year-old whom I adopted transracially has become very adept at knowing when to tell people that she has two mommies."
Tim Fisher, father of two children and the Executive Director of Gay and Lesbian Parents International, a support group with 60 chapters and 1,400 members, speaks about helping kids understand the prejudice they might encounter. He has seen how support groups have helped children interact with others like themselves and learn ways to deal with teasing. He has told his children about his experiences growing up in a religious family. "When I was a kid, my family was very involved in the church. Kids used to tease me, calling me a 'Holy Roller.' Kids will always find something to pick on."
Wendell Ricketts and Roberta Achtenberg, in the article "Adoption and Foster Parenting for Lesbians and Gay Men: Creating New Traditions in Family" from Homosexuality and Family Relations, address social workers grappling with the issue by asking, "...should children be sheltered from every experience in which their difference might challenge prejudice, ignorance, or the status quo (or in which they would be 'exposed' to the difference of others)? Agencies conforming to such a standard must ask themselves whether it is their function to honor the system that generates stigma by upholding its constraints." They continue, "Teasing is what children do. Does this mean that child welfare policy must be set at a level no higher than the social interactions of children?"
Nonetheless, social workers and even some gay men and lesbians considering adoption wonder if it is in the best interest of a child to be raised by homosexual parents.
"It can be too hard a transition for some children, especially those who are older and have already formed preconceived notions about homosexuality," explains therapist Ruder. "Younger children usually have an easier time adjusting to a gay and lesbian parented home. They haven't learned the societal biases against gays and lesbians yet." When a gay person or persons are being considered as potential adoptive parents for an older child, the child should be told about the person's sexual preference and asked his feelings about it. If the child is comfortable with the information, the caseworker can proceed to the next step.
For younger children adopted by homosexuals, parents must think about how they will explain, in age- appropriate language, not only how and why the child was adopted, but also about the parents' sexual preference. Both are complex subjects that should be addressed a number of times as the child grows and matures, each time adding new information as the child asks about it and is able to absorb and understand it. Then both topics become accepted facts of family life, neither overemphasized nor underemphasized. The National Adoption Information Clearinghouse publication "Explaining Adoption to Your Child" and the book The Final Closet: The Gay Parents' Guide for Coming Out to Their Children may be helpful.
"Children raised in homosexual households will become gay."
Psychologist J. Craig Peery of Brigham Young University argues that children grow up to be much like their parents. "Children from large families are more likely to have larger families...educational attainment, career choice, etc. are similar to their parents. Children who suffer child abuse often become child abusers... It is reasonable to assume that children raised in homosexual households would be more likely either to become homosexual themselves or to become sexually promiscuous."
Others don't see this argument as reasonable. The bulk of evidence to date is that children raised by homosexuals are no more likely to become homosexual than children raised by heterosexuals. As one researcher put it, "If heterosexual parenting is insufficient to ensure that children will also be heterosexual, then there is no reason to conclude that children of homosexuals also will be gay." And children do not necessarily choose the same lifestyle as their parents in other areas. Barbara Tremitiere of York, Pennsylvania, an expert on large adoptive families, says that children in large adoptive families often do not choose to have a large family when they become adults.
Studies asking the sons and daughters of gay fathers to express their sexual preference showed the majority of children to be heterosexual, with the proportion of gay offspring similar to that of any random population. And an assessment of more than 300 children born to gay or lesbian parents in 12 different samples shows no evidence of "significant disturbances of any kind in the development of sexual identity among these individuals."
Dave, an 18-year-old who grew up in the home of his lesbian mother and her partner after his parents divorced, speaks of the fear he had while growing up of turning out gay as well. "I never told anybody about my parents then, because I felt if they knew, they would stereotype me as being gay because of them. I think I used to make it more of a problem in my head than it ever actually was. My parents weren't trying to pressure me to be gay. My sexuality was strictly my decision and they weren't going to have anything to do with it. They were delighted when I began to date women."
A gay father, when asked if he wanted his son to be gay, answered poignantly. "I want my son to be happy. Being gay in our society is very difficult and can be very painful. If I could choose, I would hope he'd be straight and have an easier life than I've had."
"Children will develop problems growing up in an 'unnatural' lifestyle."
Since courts have expressed concern that children raised by gay and lesbian parents may have difficulties with their personal and psychological development, self-esteem, and social and peer relationships, the research that has been done has focused on the effects of this type of upbringing on children.
The studies conclude that children of gay parents are no different than their counterparts raised by heterosexual parents. In "Children of Lesbian and Gay Parents," an article in Child Development in 1992, Charlotte Patterson states, "Despite dire predictions about children based on well-known theories of psychosocial development, and despite the accumulation of a substantial body of research investigating these issues, not a single study has found children of gay or lesbian parents to be disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents."Psychiatrist Laurintine Fromm, of the Institute of Pennsylvania Hospital, agrees with that finding. "[The] literature...does not indicate that these children fare any worse [than those of heterosexual parents] in any area of psychological development or sexual identity formation. A parent's capacity to be respectful and supportive of the child's autonomy and to maintain her own intimate attachments, far outweighs the influence of the parent's sexual orientation alone."
The following are some of the thoughts that people express about homosexuality and homosexual parenting placed in the context of literature, clinical experience, and general observations.
"Homosexuality is immoral."
In the early 1970s, the American Psychiatric Association and American Psychological Association both declared that homosexuality was not a mental illness. However, homosexuality is still considered sinful and immoral to many in this country—a belief probably learned in childhood and supported by fundamentalist and orthodox religious groups and conservative family life organizations.
"The mom and dad family is the natural environment for child rearing and is the foundation for civilization," state researchers at the Family Research Council, a conservative research and family advocacy organization in Washington, DC. "Homosexual relationships are not the equivalent of marriage, and children should not be placed into homosexual households."
Research that demonstrates that homosexuals do not choose their sexual preference but instead experience it as a biological certainty does not convince individuals with the above viewpoint that it is a moral, acceptable lifestyle. Nor does anthropological research that indicates homosexuality is present in all cultures throughout the world in varying proportions of the population. Even if proponents of the "homosexual is immoral" view could accept these latter two premises, they would say it does not mean that homosexuals should be parents.
No research can prove that a lifestyle or sexual preference is moral or immoral. But Diana and Karen, a lesbian couple who live in a comfortable suburban setting, speak for many others when they say that other factors need to be taken into consideration. They see themselves as family-minded people who have much to offer their two children. "We're big on tradition," says Karen. "We both work hard, we have a safe home in a middle-class neighborhood, we don't drink or do drugs. We are generous, unselfish people. Compared to all of the things children can be traumatized about—divorce, violence, alcoholism, drug use, chaotic homes—I think what we have is not very significant."
"Children will be molested by homosexual parents."
Reverend Maurice Gordon, pastor of the Lovingway Pentecostal Church in Denver, Colorado, speaks for those who believe implicitly that homosexuals are dangerous. "Under no circumstances should a child be allowed to be brought up in a homosexual environment. I'm not saying that the child would automatically be sexually abused by his homosexual parent, but he probably would be abused by the homosexual's friends."
The response of the Child Welfare League of America and a substantial group of researchers is that this fear of molestation is totally unfounded. A recent Child Welfare League report unequivocally states that, "the likelihood of homosexual adopters molesting children placed with them is no greater than it is for the general population. Ninety percent of all pedophiles are heterosexual males."
Numerous studies support this. One conducted by the Connecticut Correctional Institute in 1978 repeatedly noted the absence of a connection between homosexuals and child molestation. "The belief that homosexuals are particularly attracted to children is completely unsupported by our data. The child offenders who engaged in adult sexual relations as well were heterosexual."
"Children will be teased and harassed."
Children of gay men and lesbians are vulnerable to teasing and harassment, particularly as they approach adolescence when they want to be like their friends. How much of a problem is it? Is it likely to cause lasting psychological damage?
Gay parents are well aware of the difficulties that a child may face—many have dealt with prejudice all of their lives. Most see it as an opportunity for ongoing discussion that will help their children grow as people.
Drs. Kenneth Morgen and Sam Westrick adopted Simon, and later, Trevor, as infants. Morgen wrote about their experience in a book entitled Getting Simon. He writes about the differences that make up our society and how Simon will perceive them. "We come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Some kids come from rich homes, some from poor homes, some are fat, some are skinny, some have curly hair when straight is in and straight when curly is in; many have divorced parents, some have two moms or two dads. All kids who have anything different about them, which is most kids, are vulnerable to teasing. I am confident that we will instill in our sons a sense of self-esteem that will make them know that they are persons of worth in their own rights."
Abby Ruder, a therapist, lesbian, and adoptive mother, acknowledges that children will be teased, and takes great pains to prepare her homosexual clients for some of the problems that their children will face. She feels that families should have a plan for dealing with society's attitude toward them. "Children with gay or lesbian parents need to be taught when it's okay to tell people and when not to. A family doesn't have to be 'out' all of the time. My 9-year-old whom I adopted transracially has become very adept at knowing when to tell people that she has two mommies."
Tim Fisher, father of two children and the Executive Director of Gay and Lesbian Parents International, a support group with 60 chapters and 1,400 members, speaks about helping kids understand the prejudice they might encounter. He has seen how support groups have helped children interact with others like themselves and learn ways to deal with teasing. He has told his children about his experiences growing up in a religious family. "When I was a kid, my family was very involved in the church. Kids used to tease me, calling me a 'Holy Roller.' Kids will always find something to pick on."
Wendell Ricketts and Roberta Achtenberg, in the article "Adoption and Foster Parenting for Lesbians and Gay Men: Creating New Traditions in Family" from Homosexuality and Family Relations, address social workers grappling with the issue by asking, "...should children be sheltered from every experience in which their difference might challenge prejudice, ignorance, or the status quo (or in which they would be 'exposed' to the difference of others)? Agencies conforming to such a standard must ask themselves whether it is their function to honor the system that generates stigma by upholding its constraints." They continue, "Teasing is what children do. Does this mean that child welfare policy must be set at a level no higher than the social interactions of children?"
Nonetheless, social workers and even some gay men and lesbians considering adoption wonder if it is in the best interest of a child to be raised by homosexual parents.
"It can be too hard a transition for some children, especially those who are older and have already formed preconceived notions about homosexuality," explains therapist Ruder. "Younger children usually have an easier time adjusting to a gay and lesbian parented home. They haven't learned the societal biases against gays and lesbians yet." When a gay person or persons are being considered as potential adoptive parents for an older child, the child should be told about the person's sexual preference and asked his feelings about it. If the child is comfortable with the information, the caseworker can proceed to the next step.
For younger children adopted by homosexuals, parents must think about how they will explain, in age- appropriate language, not only how and why the child was adopted, but also about the parents' sexual preference. Both are complex subjects that should be addressed a number of times as the child grows and matures, each time adding new information as the child asks about it and is able to absorb and understand it. Then both topics become accepted facts of family life, neither overemphasized nor underemphasized. The National Adoption Information Clearinghouse publication "Explaining Adoption to Your Child" and the book The Final Closet: The Gay Parents' Guide for Coming Out to Their Children may be helpful.
"Children raised in homosexual households will become gay."
Psychologist J. Craig Peery of Brigham Young University argues that children grow up to be much like their parents. "Children from large families are more likely to have larger families...educational attainment, career choice, etc. are similar to their parents. Children who suffer child abuse often become child abusers... It is reasonable to assume that children raised in homosexual households would be more likely either to become homosexual themselves or to become sexually promiscuous."
Others don't see this argument as reasonable. The bulk of evidence to date is that children raised by homosexuals are no more likely to become homosexual than children raised by heterosexuals. As one researcher put it, "If heterosexual parenting is insufficient to ensure that children will also be heterosexual, then there is no reason to conclude that children of homosexuals also will be gay." And children do not necessarily choose the same lifestyle as their parents in other areas. Barbara Tremitiere of York, Pennsylvania, an expert on large adoptive families, says that children in large adoptive families often do not choose to have a large family when they become adults.
Studies asking the sons and daughters of gay fathers to express their sexual preference showed the majority of children to be heterosexual, with the proportion of gay offspring similar to that of any random population. And an assessment of more than 300 children born to gay or lesbian parents in 12 different samples shows no evidence of "significant disturbances of any kind in the development of sexual identity among these individuals."
Dave, an 18-year-old who grew up in the home of his lesbian mother and her partner after his parents divorced, speaks of the fear he had while growing up of turning out gay as well. "I never told anybody about my parents then, because I felt if they knew, they would stereotype me as being gay because of them. I think I used to make it more of a problem in my head than it ever actually was. My parents weren't trying to pressure me to be gay. My sexuality was strictly my decision and they weren't going to have anything to do with it. They were delighted when I began to date women."
A gay father, when asked if he wanted his son to be gay, answered poignantly. "I want my son to be happy. Being gay in our society is very difficult and can be very painful. If I could choose, I would hope he'd be straight and have an easier life than I've had."
"Children will develop problems growing up in an 'unnatural' lifestyle."
Since courts have expressed concern that children raised by gay and lesbian parents may have difficulties with their personal and psychological development, self-esteem, and social and peer relationships, the research that has been done has focused on the effects of this type of upbringing on children.
The studies conclude that children of gay parents are no different than their counterparts raised by heterosexual parents. In "Children of Lesbian and Gay Parents," an article in Child Development in 1992, Charlotte Patterson states, "Despite dire predictions about children based on well-known theories of psychosocial development, and despite the accumulation of a substantial body of research investigating these issues, not a single study has found children of gay or lesbian parents to be disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents."Psychiatrist Laurintine Fromm, of the Institute of Pennsylvania Hospital, agrees with that finding. "[The] literature...does not indicate that these children fare any worse [than those of heterosexual parents] in any area of psychological development or sexual identity formation. A parent's capacity to be respectful and supportive of the child's autonomy and to maintain her own intimate attachments, far outweighs the influence of the parent's sexual orientation alone."
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